Codependency or Cruciform Love?

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ruciform love, love that looks like the cross, is the way of Christ. It is self-sacrificial.

· “Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me.”

· “Turn the other cheek.”

· “Go the second mile.”

· “Love your enemies.”

· “Prefer others over yourself.”

· “The greatest in the kingdom of God is the servant of all.”

· “Give to everyone who asks of you.”

· “If someone sues you for your coat, give him your shirt as well.”

· “Allow yourself to be defrauded.”

· “If someone sins against you, forgive them 70 times 7.”


· Cruciform love is Jesus praying for the Father to forgive those who were torturing him to death.

· Cruciform love is Dirk Williams, a 16th century Anabaptist Dutchman who turned back to rescue his pursuer from icy waters only to be burned at the stake.

· Cruciform love is civil rights protestors responding to dogs and clubs with love.

· Cruciform love is generous, selfless, compassionate, kind, and forgiving.

· Cruciform love is nonjudgmental.

· Cruciform love can willingly die, but could never kill.


Codependency, is enabling another person to continue in behavior that will destroy them. Codependents do things routinely that are ultimately bad for both themselves and for the person they are trying to help or please.


· Codependency is making excuses for why the drug addict missed work yet again.

· Codependency is buying beer for an alcoholic, then berating him for being drunk.

· Codependency is refusing to believe your daughter when she tells you your boyfriend molested her.

· Codependency is a parent allowing a healthy college graduated son or daughter to move back home and play video games all day.

· Codependency is doing everything to please a partner at the expense of your own needs.

· Codependency is becoming a doormat.

· Codependency prolongs addictive and destructive behavior.


Codependency is not loving because love does what is best for others. Since we cannot love others without loving ourselves, we have to also do what is best for us.


Jesus took time to rest, be alone, pray, eat, sleep, and hang out with his closest friends. He didn’t chase after anyone, manipulate anyone, or try to force anyone into following him. He didn’t heal everybody. He had good healthy boundaries. He stuck to his mission. Most first century Jews expected a messiah who would violently overthrow Rome. Jesus chose instead the way of the cross. He was the servant of all, but he was never codependent.



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