The Joy of Being Ordinary

I’ve been through some severe traumas in my life. Each one shattered a persona, an image of who I thought I was – successful husband, father, pastor, teacher, psychotherapist …

Each time, I was left in confusion. If I’m not this or that, who am I? Each time, I replaced the shattered image with another. I reinvented myself. Eventually, another trauma and another mask shatters.

God caused none of the trauma, but God held me, walked with me, applied loving balm through all of them.

Personae are necessary as we develop careers and families, working out a place for ourselves in society. They come from family, the workplace, educational institutions, friends, culture, and past generations. Nevertheless, they are false selves, masks we project to the world. We become convinced that this is who we are until some event happens to splinter the image.

Divorce. Death of a loved one. A serious medical diagnosis or injury. Loss of a career. Financial reversal. Tragedies. Traumatic events.

We are thrown into existential crisis. Who am I really? What does my authentic self look like? Some of us become depressed or suicidal, others develop anxieties or disorders of various sorts. Some spin into stereotypical midlife crises, complete with fast cars and young lovers. And some, like me, trade one mask for another.

Something needs to disrupt the pattern. It may be something seemingly small, yet profound. A friend of mine was visiting the grave of a famous person and noted that it was ill kept. He saw life in perspective and was suddenly free to be himself. My spiritual director leaned forward and said, “Larry, it’s not about you.” A light flashed.

Quite unexpectantly, I “got it.” I no longer had any need to prove myself worthy. It’s not about me. It’s all about grace – a grace that is prevenient, anticipatory, unearned. It predates me. It flows from the heart of God. It’s not about me.

It took me a long time to get here. Forty years ago, a psychologist friend half-jokingly said he wanted to write a book called Dare to be Ordinary. He was trying to communicate to me that I didn’t need to be The Rev. Great Pastor or Mr. Perfect Parent.

So, who am I really?

I am a beloved child of God.

I was created good. No – very good.

I bear the image of the Divine.

I am forgiven, accepted, and adopted.

My ego is no longer central. I have very little concern with what others may think of me. I’m released from trying hard to please God all the time. In other words, I’m an ordinary fellow.

And that feels so refreshing.