We all want to belong. We all want to be loved. We all want to be accepted. It feels good to be welcomed into any group, but especially so in a faith community because of the added element of spiritual meaning and joint mission. I wasn’t raised in church, but those who were often have an added sense of shared familial bonds. The belief system of the church in which they were raised is imbedded in their psyches. To step away from that belief system often feels like a betrayal of deep family bonds. It becomes even more pronounced when the family of origin rejects the one who has stepped away.
Religiophilosophical belief systems evolve in people who think deeply and seek sincerely. We grow. We change. We gain new insights, learn new things, and increasingly understand the universe and ourselves if we are honestly pursuing truth. That should not surprise us. God is too big to ever fully comprehend. The cosmos is too grand to completely grasp. Truth is too deep to ever fully plumb.
We call that process of changing, shifting, and rethinking “deconstruction.” It is a good thing. Maligned by some preachers, the vast majority of those who are deconstructing their faith are not chasing a fad or forsaking Christ. Instead, they are intellectually honest people who have bumped up against things in the institutionalized church that they question or reject.
Deconstruction can feel quite painful. It may involve rejection from family and friends, exclusion from the group where we once found solace. It can leave us feeling adrift. Nevertheless, it is necessary if we are going to grow spiritually. The person whose beliefs haven’t changed in thirty years is a stagnant human being.
People deconstruct for a variety of reasons. It’s not uncommon to be pushed into deconstruction by something that feels amiss within the faith community. Some of those pushes include:
The showiness and impersonable nature of megachurches
Pastors who are more showmen than shepherds
Belief in a young earth and six literal 24-hour days of creation
Rejection of strongly supported evidenced-based science
Belief in an inerrant English translation of the Bible
Belief in eternal conscious torment
Support for political leaders whose lifestyles and policies are diametrically opposite the teachings of Jesus
Support of capital punishment
Unconditional support of a militant right-wing Israeli government
The demonization of Palestinians (many of whom are Christian)
The demonization of other faith traditions
Anti-intellectualism; downplaying the value of a liberal arts education
Opposition to any form of abortion for any reason
Lack of concern for the poor and displaced
Condemnation of the LBTQ+ community
Patriarchy, misogyny, and white supremacy
Jingoism, Nationalism, militarism, and American exceptionalism
Abuse perpetrated by pastors, priests, and parachurch leaders
An attitude of absolute certainty in preachers and teachers
The elevation of minor doctrines to major importance
An unwillingness to engage with questions and alternate views
If people would be willing to dialogue and listen to one another, differences of opinion can strengthen bonds. Too often, though, church beliefs are presented as nonnegotiable. Confronted by hardened dogma that has become the criteria for acceptance within the group, it takes courage to question. The result is too often rejection, dismissal, condemnation, shunning.
Nevertheless, those who do are on a path towards authenticity and actualization. It can be a lonely road. It helps to have a companion, a spiritual director who listens deeply and is nonjudgemental and unconditionally accepting. The companion can’t preach or push. They must allow us to go at our own pace.
Although I wasn’t raised in a church, for a long season in my life I found fellowship and acceptance in a faith community. As time went by, cracks appeared. The rigid fundamentalism with its inerrant Bible, rejection of well-established science, extreme right-wing politics, lack of concern for the poor, simplistic soteriology, and toxic eschatology became so apparent I could no longer ignore it.
Unlike many who deconstruct, I had no sense of familial betrayal. I was raised by scientists, taught to think logically, examine evidence, be comfortable with liminality, and humbly form tentative conclusions. Growing up, I always had a deep compassion for the marginalized. I tutored inner-city kids, opposed the Vietnam War, and supported civil rights. I was coming home, but some of the coming home was painful. People who had been my friends, peers, and mentors, rejected me. I didn’t fit in.
My essential core remained intact. The bottom line is I love Jesus with all my heart and long to act like him, loving enemies, eschewing violence and injustice, embracing everyone as imago Dei. I would now identify as an anabaptist with a deep social conscious who embraces a contemplative lifestyle and enjoys walking with others who earnestly desire intimacy with the divine, long for justice, and are openminded.
Do not be afraid to question. Do not be afraid of doubt. Seek truth. Push on. Some will not go with you, but you’ll find others who will, and you’ll find the journey deeply rewarding.
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