Spiritual Narcissism Leads To Superstitious Religion

Spirituality at its core is an earnest seeking after God, a burning desire to immerse oneself in the Divine, to be one with the Ground of Being, Prime Mover, Ultimate Source, Creator, Sustainer, and Redeemer of the cosmos. Spirituality is not so much being holy, much less acting holy, as it is a hunger for intimacy and connection with God. That intimacy and connection molds us, informs us, and transforms us (albeit slowly) to be more like God.

What is God like? God is exactly like Jesus. Jesus said, “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father;” (John 14:9) and “I and the Father are one.” (John 10:30) There is nothing unchristlike in God. God is, at God’s core, perfect cruciform love. The person who knows God the best is the person most filled with compassion, humility, empathy, and identification with those on the margins.

Spirituality is the Apostle Paul crying, “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead.”(Philippians 3:10-11)[1]

Spirituality is the longing of the Psalmist:

One thing I asked of the Lord;    this I seek:to live in the house of the Lord    all the days of my life,to behold the beauty of the Lord,    and to inquire in his temple. (27:10)

But spirituality quickly degenerates into superstition each time we attempt to use God for personal gain.

This is subtle, often unrecognized. Scripture encourages us to make our requests known to God, to ask for what we need. What we need and what we want may be two things of a different magnitude. It is good and right to ask for God to meet genuine needs for us and others, always punctuating those requests with an ever-present “Thy will be done.” That is quite different than seeing God as being there for the purpose of giving us what we want.

Spirituality leads us to truly desire the will of God, to hunger to be conformed to the imago Dei, to yearn to be, in the words of the late Dallas Willard, continuously “with Jesus, learning from Jesus, how to be like Jesus.”

When God becomes a means to an end, we have slipped into superstition. God is reduced to a talisman, an unseen magic amulet, a genie who responds to my request.

Some North American Christians have very primitive and constricted images of God. God becomes a celestial Santa Claus or a divine vending machine. They demand from God, like toddlers throwing fits. They imagine they can direct angels where to go. They use the name “Jesus” as if it were a magic word, and essentially see God as being there to make them wealthy and healthy and give them political power. They are spiritual narcissists.

In his book Will and Spirit, Christian psychiatrist Gerald G. May wrote:

“Spiritual narcissism as a condition arises whenever one uses one’s faith to accomplish one’s personal aims. It is the absolute opposite of true spirituality, in which one allows oneself to be used by one’s faith to accomplish the will of God.”[2]

Much of contemporary occidental religion is superstition. It’s only possible, however, to discern that superstition in ourselves. We cannot know the motivations of others. That cross, crucifix, or religious medal that someone wears may be a tangible reminder of true spirituality, or it may function as little more than a charm. That prayer for healing may come from a deep desire for God’s will, or it may arise out of an image of a god who exists for me.

It's all about how we really see God. Does God primarily exist to save me, rescue me, heal me, provide for me, make me happy? When I examine my prayers, are they exclusively, or almost exclusively, about God doing something I would like God to do?

Children typically think of God in terms of good parent. A good parent creates a physically and emotionally healthy environment, shields the children from harm, and makes sure their basic needs are met. Indeed, God is the perfect parent – God provides because God loves all of God’s creation, especially us. It’s essential to hold on to that, but as we mature spiritually, we hopefully come to see God as more than just a mommy to nurture us and a daddy to protect us.

Spiritual narcissism exists at both ends of a continuum where “It’s all about me” is at one end, and “I don’t matter at all” is at the other end. In the healthy middle we realize we’re loved and important. We are jewels, not garbage. In the healthy middle we also realize that everyone else is also.

God is calling us into relationship. If you’ve ever been around a narcissist, you know that it’s impossible to have a real relationship. Everything is one-sided. All that person cares about is himself. Everything is filtered through a lens of “me.” It’s either, “the world revolves around me; nothing is my fault; I am of all people most worthy;” or, “the world revolves around me; everything is my fault; I’m worthless.” In either case, there is no true relationship, no sharing of hearts or intertwining of souls. In both cases, the primary focus is self.

A healthy relationship is always two-sided. We have needs that require honest expression and so does the other. In a healthy relationship, I can share my needs, and I listen with empathy to the needs of my partner. We are open, honest, teachable, and vulnerable with each other.

Relationship with God is no different. God cares about us and, like a good friend or partner, wants to hear about our needs and our struggles. But God equally desires to share God’s heart with us, to let us in on Divine sorrows and dreams. We need to petition God humbly, underscoring each request with “nevertheless, not my will, but yours.” We equally need to listen to God, make God welcome in our daily lives, sit with God, be with God, know God intimately.

In my relationship with God, I am neither the golden boy favorite, nor am I the worthless slave. I am God’s friend.

Jesus said, “I do not call you slaves anymore. Slaves do not know their master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends. I have told you everything I learned from my Father.” (John 15:15 NIRV[3])

[1] Unless otherwise noted, scripture quotations are from New Revised Standard Version, (NRSVUE) Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

[2] May, Gerald G., Will and Spirit, A Contemplative Psychology. Harper Collins, 2009. ISBN 0061895881, 9780061895883

[3] New International Readers’ Version. Copyright © 1995, 1996, 1998, 2014 by Biblica, Inc.®. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.